Strong

Haykir sometimes look strong, but not everytime, I guess even he got a limit, although I'm not in the mood of doing anything, I cant go to sleep either... my mind have a lot of things to think about. Haykir is talking to her now, I wonder what will happen later...

Love

I can really feel the 'other' me are always the kind that positive while pushing the bad things to me, and I don't have the chance to went out frequently, it's hard to determine which one is the real me. It happen once few years ago and I don't really want it to happen again, but few month ago it starts to develop as non-idential perosanlity inside me, which I can clearly divide me and him. It sounds confusing, but the least I could do is to prove to the 'other' that I do exist, it's just that I don't appear in front of them, well, maybe one person. After all, we both love the same person =)

Since 'his' mental is not in a good state, it give me more time for me. I wish I could live the rest of my life like I will die tomorrow, just heard from people last night about my prediction of conincidence. What if those doubt i had in my mind is always true and came true, then I know I won't be living long enough to see this hand ticking the bucket list at the end of the day. But the least I could do is to live my life like there is no tomorrow. I'm dying to have fun =D

Comfort

I wont be able to face her like I used to anymore, I still remember what she said on that night... eventhough I still have a feeling for her, I wish to celebrate many occasion with her, be with her whenever she need me, or maybe congratulate her whenever she achieve something. But none of that matters anymore, she won't look at me the way she used to, and I will never be the same person that she used to know me. Although I didn't get the chance to stay with her, at least the time I've spent, the experience, the happy, the bad, the sad, the joy, the arguement, somehow it will be the story of my life. I wish I didn't tell her, but, i'm just cant...

Smile

I read someone's blog today, and it's good to see her doing well in her career. It might not be the most superb blog ever, but at least seeing the other people is happy about their career just made me feel a lil' bit sad. Unlike me, she looks happy with the rest of the team. This might not be a good things to review about other people's blog, but I just feel like talking about what I've just read. Those smile, I wish I could have it once again. I guess, when you lost something you hold dearest to your heart, once it left, you'll start crumbling and fall apart. I just don't believe in people anymore, no one i could really trust... it feels like they will someday betray me. Do you how does it feels when someone betray you? I did many wrong things to her, although I did apologize to her, the guilt is like a scar, it won't leave me. I guess it's a scar that I'll have to carry for the rest of my life. I get the chance to express all this here when he is tired of controlling me. And I'm lucky that he is tired right now. I wish...

Losing Touch

It's been a while since I last feel so terrible. I'm saying this on behalf of my'self' which won't tell other people much about what is happening. I guess, I want to tell the whole world, I wanna shout it out from the bottom of my heart, those pain that reside within, I thought I won't experience it again, but, it always came back to me. I feel unstable, the whole since the time I wake up and when I was inside my class. I had a tough time dealing with my'self'. Im losing control of what I usually could hold on to. I want to...

Weekend~

Here goes my first post. Today is the long awaited weekends for me, but, it's just not the same without her anymore... Last time, there used to be a day I looking forward to. This is is dedicated to the person I love most, although I do know that there is not possible for her to found this blog in the first place. I'm just not good with words, thats why I put it here instead. :-D